Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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