I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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