Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
