I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Did you just see the Batmobile???
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
