I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
