I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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