You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
