is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
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