Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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