Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
