I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
