I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Randomize
