I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
