I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize