You're a womanizer and a bitch.
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
