we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
You need Xanax blowdarts
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
