Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
