I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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