He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
