I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
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