are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
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