As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
