We're facebook friends in real life
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
