Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize