Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
sarcasm needs its own font
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
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