she kept yelling 'call me bella'
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
