Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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