textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
