Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I'm gonna fight the coyote
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
