Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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