i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Randomize
