my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
