dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
