i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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