I puked a lego.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
