Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
