Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Randomize
