you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Randomize
