I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
