do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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