Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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