Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
Randomize
