Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
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