you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Randomize
