So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize
