I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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