Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I believe in your delicious
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Randomize
