There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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