On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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