i wish there were pregnant emoticons
even my farts smell like vagina
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
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