I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I'm eating all of the evidence.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
