i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize
