Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
