So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
