the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize