dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
can u get pink eye on your cock?
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
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