I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
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