Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Randomize
