I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
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