I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Randomize
