in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
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