New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
