you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize
