Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
