Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
