i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
