you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Use "feeling words"
Yay
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
