just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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