I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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