girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize