my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
