Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Randomize
