i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I didn't notice because vodka
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
