So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Found the puke drawer
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
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