I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
