Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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