Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
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