Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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