Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize