"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
