I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
