Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Randomize
