So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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