4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
no you cant smoke seaweed
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
