So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
you guys were way drunker than both of me
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Is it because I queefed?
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
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