the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize
