That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
