Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
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