Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Randomize
