Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize