your thong is hanging out like whoa
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
You are a booty call, not a friend.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
