The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
