Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(313): View more from Michigan

I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me

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(425): View more from Washington

You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.

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(701): View more from North Dakota

Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.

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(718): View more from New York

at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.

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(617): View more from Massachusetts

He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.

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(780): View more from Alberta, CA

No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace

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(403): View more from Alberta, CA

And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!

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(304): View more from West Virginia

I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.

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(281): View more from Texas

If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.

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