Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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