my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Randomize
