textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
