I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Randomize
