You were right. It hurts to walk today.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
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