6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
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