I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
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