So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
