please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
