did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Randomize