Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
