I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Randomize
