Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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