like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Randomize
