My room smells like vodka and shame
when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
