im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
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