We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
