Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
