Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
