I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
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