Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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