But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Randomize
